LEGACY

“Your legacy is your gift.”

~Lorraine Devon Wilke (author, artist & cultural commentator)

When you die, what legacy will you leave behind?

It’s a heavy thought to ponder, but at some point in time, it crosses all minds.

I made a tough decision in 2017.

This was the year I abandoned the M. Phil programme I was pursuing for four years. With a heavy heart I submitted my withdrawal letter, choosing to never look back. I no longer wanted to pursue a life in academia. The life I was choosing to live now was different, and continuing along the previous path would only make me feel like a fraud. I needed to be true to myself. It was a tough decision because I was walking away from what felt like four wasted years of my life. I had nothing to show for my efforts. Quitting made me feel like a failure. I felt like I was disappointing my parents, and everyone who had high expectations of me. My perspective changed only when, after being hard on myself for giving up, Aaron asked,

“Did you give your best?”

I was stumped for an answer, and spent months churning this question in my mind. I was searching hard for an honest to God answer. Then one day, memories of all the challenges I faced; the many solutions and alternatives exhausted; the successes, and disappointments I endured came rushing back. That’s when it dawned on me:

“I did give my best.”

With that self-affirmation followed acceptance. I stopped feeling guilty for giving up. I owned my decision and for the first time stopped measuring my entire self-worth solely on academic performance. I felt proud because I took a stance for what I believed in, even when my decision did not make sense to most. For a long time, I knew I was unhappy and finally had the guts to do something about it. And through it all, Aaron gave me his unwavering support.

Leaving the programme landed me on the unemployment line, because I was no longer employed as a Teaching Assistant at the university. After repaying the programme’s tuition fees, I spent a rough six months’ job hunting and learning the art of budgeting. I tasted rejection by employers, declined help from my parents, and even cried over not being able to afford $20 yoghurt! (I promise to explain if I ever end up on TED talks!). I was determined to rough it out only with Aaron’s help. He would say to me, “It’s you and me versus the world!” Although willingly putting myself in financial jeopardy, in a strange way, I felt an inner joy. There was my proof that I was at peace with my decision.

Finally, not long after landing a job, with exactly forty-five dollars’ worth of dregs in my bank account, Aaron fell ill. When Aaron recounted the details of the unfortunate incident, I felt so enraged over his treatment that I wrote an impassioned letter about it to one of the newspaper’s editors. To my surprise it was published the next day. I didn’t think anyone cared to read what I had to say, but the article received a near full page spread. In the article, I highlighted not only the bad, but expressed my gratitude to those who did help, because it made a difference to me.

This publication was the catalyst for me physically starting the blog, which was an idea conceived during one of my worst moments, and now brings me great joy. I enjoy sharing our life experiences in the hope of inspiring and educating others. But I don’t consider myself any sort of professional writer. I just write from the heart.

Looking back on exactly two years ago with a renewed perspective, I have no regrets over my decision. I no longer see my past failure as a waste, or a disadvantage. The journey helped me re-evaluate what matters most to me, and recognize my passion for writing. It gave me new purpose, and helped me develop a new appreciation for what I once took for granted. Some of the best relationships I’ve forged resulted from that time. Meeting Aaron, my husband, is one of them.

So what does my trip down memory lane have to do with legacy?

Well, this reflection was prompted after Aaron and I met with some members of Mr. Patrick Castagne’s family to learn more about his life. Mr. Castagne, is the composer of both the music, and lyrics to Trinidad and Tobago’s National Anthem. It was an honour to hold in my hands the mementos he saved throughout his life: the personal letters (both handwritten and typed), telegraphs, cards, pictures, certificates, resume, newspaper clippings, and even the original music score of the National Anthem!

After absorbing the contents of these mementos, what stood out most to me was not just the great achievements Mr. Castagne accomplished. It was who he was as a person behind all of that. This is the connection I felt most strongly with Mr. Castagne’s legacy. A man whose legacy was not just built on his contribution to country, but on his devotion to family. A man who stood up for what he believed in; who, despite the judgement of others, made the tough decisions necessary to ensure the best for his family. A man with a sense of humour, and who had a way connecting with people on a personal level. A man who recognized and cherished the people who supported him. A man unafraid to express the deep love in his heart for his wife. It was touching to read his words:

“If my marriage had failed, I would have failed as a writer – composer of music. Lucille has always been my sounding board.”

I believe that this core of the man behind the National Anthem can teach us all something about leaving behind a positive legacy. Whether we realize it or not, we are creating our own legacy every single day. Our legacy does not have to be defined by the result of just one grand accomplishment, but rather the little actions we do every day as we strive to live full, meaningful lives. It is about living the best version of ourselves, no matter how ordinary. I believe that, in order to do this, we must make best use of the gifts we have. I read in an article by author Lorraine Wilke: “your legacy is your gift.” It is sometimes through the dark moments in our lives, do we discover, or recognize what our gifts are. And it is never too late to start using them to make a difference. I only recognized my writing as a gift after choosing a different path for my life. I’m proud to say it’s part of the legacy I share with Aaron. And we will continue to build our legacy together.

How did Mr. Castagne want to be remembered?

“I had a gift, and I used it to the best of my ability.”

Even in death, Mr. Castagne continues to inspire, and be a teacher of life.

So I ask again, “When you die, what legacy will you leave behind?”

In our next post, we will explore Mr. Patrick Castagne’s inspiration behind composing the musical masterpiece that immortalized him: Trinidad and Tobago’s National Anthem, and the full life he led.

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